Readers, I write this not to be negative (I’m actually in a blissfully happy mood – I mean it’s Friday!!!!) but so that you can strive to avoid such things. One girl’s mistake is another woman’s lesson. Here we go…

1. Soy yogurt: I thought this would be a healthy “fun” idea (yeah, I know I’m crazy). While some soy stuff (like soy milk and chocolate ice cream) is tolerable, soy yogurt surprisingly doesn’t fit into that category. It’s actually one of the worst culinary ideas in the history of human kind. Think baby food, but brown and flavorless. I was horrified when I peeled back my silver, foil yogurt wrapper to find what looked like chunky style hospital Jell-O gone wrong. Oh and the taste? There isn’t one.

2. Guys with shaved chests: Here’s a newsflash – I actually like my men to look like men. While hair on a male’s back is ape-like and unacceptable, I think chest hair is natural, soft, and gives us girls something to hold onto. Even the most studly can guy can go from level ten hotness to a Long Island guido once he razors his pecs. Plus it looks frighteningly funky when it’s growing out. Believe it or not, I don’t want my man to feel like a baby porcupine. Since growing the chest hair out is seriously unsightly, many men become lost in a vicious chest-shaving circle. Boys, just don’t do it and save the razor for your face!

3. Bras: I’ve actually never been into bras. I find them confining and my chest has never been large enough to warrant necessary constraining. I’m actually grateful for this, and would never want a larger bust since my childish hatred for bras is so strong. Especially in this super humid, steam-room-like city, bras are evil. I think of them as an extra layer of clothing, the worst kind of clothing because they’re tight. When you’re sweaty they stick to your back like a leech and never dry or let loose. Ladies, if you think you can get away with it, try avoiding bras – it will be more fun than you think.

4. Getting stuff notarized: WHY dear god do so many people/places/grants/fellowships/institutions insist on having documents notarized? If I’m buying a house, I get it. But for frivolous everyday applications for jobs and grants? If this is their way of weeding out the people who aren’t ‘dedicated’ it’s not working. It’s just making us waste a lot time at the bank or a lot of money at UPS.

5. Top 8 friends or whatever it is on myspace and now on facebook: Whoever thought up this concept should be dragged through the street and stoned. Life is hard enough without this kind of bullshit drama. What sick-o came up with this sordid idea of rating your friends? Apparently, for middle and high school aged girls it’s causing full-blown Ophelia-like emotional collapses. Rank your favorite songs, movies and foods…but not friends goddammit!

6. The blue line A C E trains: Why are they slower than the Broadway bus and more erratic than a menopausal woman’s period? Why is the C train running on the express track half the time and making local stops? On a similar note, why are there sixteen express 2 and 3 trains for every one 1 local train? People at non-express stops have places to be within thirty minutes too!

7. Rain: Is it so much to ask for a simple, nice summer day from dawn till dusk. The bummer about rain in the city is that it doesn’t even seem to cool the humid Haitian-like temperature. It’s just worthless and makes summer barbeques and rooftop top parties obsolete. It also destroys cute sandals. Note that it seems to especially downpour whenever I’m ever wearing white pants. Thanks, Mother Nature.

8. People not being on time: Friends told me to meet them at the Tavern on the Green’s midsummer party (to be written about at a later date) at 8.30 pm on Wednesday. Being a smart Model Behavior girl I took this to mean 9 and arrived at 9:05 pm – just long enough to enjoy the stunning outdoor decorations (see photo up top) for ten minutes before it (surprise surprise) began to RAIN and the entire shindig got moved inside. My friends did not arrive until 10.30 pm. This especially made me want to repeatedly stab baby bunnies because I had not wanted to leave my house that night since I KNEW IT WOULD RAIN (and yes, despite knowing this I still decidedly to wear my white pants – I think was dropped on my head as a child…). And there I was, at the now indoor party my friends had forced me to attend with the forcers themselves absent for an hour and a half. Luckily (or perhaps unluckily) all of New York was at this once gorgeous outdoor party now turned awkward indoor dance floor and I was able to schmooze with some of acquaintances. Still, being late – not cool!

9. Drink tickets: Forcing people to stand in line to buy a ticket AND then to stand in line again at the bar? This is cruel and counter productive, not to mention just cheesy and totally unclassy. Note: Aforementioned Tavern on the Green party, for reasons beyond my comprehension, was adhering to the drink ticket system. Maybe Tavern’s restaurant manager was dropped on his head as a child too.

Feel free to continue this list.