I, like many women, am guilty of a relationship tactic I like to call ‘table scrapping,’ a tactic that undoubtedly ends in heartbreak, failure, and a karaoke session with Alanis Morissette. Instead of making demands, you cater like crazy to someone who’s not interested in you in order to make your relationship ‘work.’ The irony here is that if you stopped pulling the emotional equivalent of a double shift, your ‘relationship’ would cease to exist entirely.
I’m certain that like over 95% percent of my issues, ‘table scrapping’ was a talent I inherited from my mother. It goes something like this:
Male: I’m tired and don’t want to see you now.
Female: Fantastic! That’ll give me a chance to catch up on my scrapbooking
Male: And I only want to have sex with you when I’m drunk.
Female: OK! I guess I’ll get drunk too.
Male: And I can’t really be bothered to compliment you or make you feel special.
Female: No problem! I’ll guess I flirt with someone at work to fulfill that void.
Male: And I’m not so hot about going on actual dates.
Female: Don’t worry, my best girlfriend loves to faux date with me.
Male: And I’m not so good at remembering holidays or giving you gifts.
Female: Gotcha covered! I’ll take a second job so I can buy myself a little something every now and then. Geez! This is the perfect relationship!
Male: Huh, what? Right! Yeah.
So Tatas and I last night, in full going-out attire, sprawled on opposite ends of her bed and began musing about the stark opposite of ‘table scrapping’ – ‘the crazy girl’ approach to love. We all know ‘the crazy girl.’ The girl who bitch slaps her boyfriend in public for glancing at another girl’s ass. The girl who makes her man take the subway all the way from Brooklyn to the Bronx at 6 AM in order to walk her six blocks to work. That needy nutso who actually has her man walking on such a tight leash she deserves some sort of award for physiological manipulation and oppression of freedom.
And you know what?
Guys stay with these girls. I’ve seen it. I think they secretly love feeling so needed, and it all has to do with that crazy femininity bullshit I was writing about two weeks ago. The whole “guys like it when you ask them to do stuff for you” can be equated to “guys like it when you’re a bit demanding.” It helps them feel like they’ve fulfilled a purpose. So come to find out, nice and understanding might not be the way to go.
What’s that’s batty proverb? “Give them an inch and they’ll walk all over you?”
I’m beginning to think this should be applied to initial interactions with the opposite sex. It’s like puppy training camp: You have to be really stern and scary at the beginning before you can cuddle, indulge in games of fetch, and allow them to sleep on your bed. Because another theory I have floating around in the section of my mind which revels in analyzing this kind of bullshit, is that a relationship is always going to be the way it was in the first couple weeks. So if you started as a casual hook up and it stayed casual for a month, that’s how it’s probably going to be indefinitely. Of course as girls, we harbor the delusion that our casual hook up will roll over one morning to profess his love and appreciate us, allowing for a fairy tale ending in which commitment, bath time enjoyment, and moving to the suburbs ensues.
Insanity.
6 comments:
You're totally right about casual hookups. Once they start that way, it's pretty rare for them to morph into something else.
As for your idea as to how to snag a man, I'd say don't go down that route. As corny as it sounds, how about just being yourself and if a guy doesn't make you feel special then kick him to the curb?
You're the woman. You have most, if not all, of the power in a relationship. Use it benevolently.
some thoughts, neither right nor wrong, just thoughts:
Men do table scrapping as much as women do and sometimes that's what should be done, for most issues. You can't blow out of proportions minor issues. Healthy relationships require compromises and collaboration and a genuine interest in the other person. Its not a power game and if this ends up defining the relationship then it becomes unhealthy and frustrating. Why is NY the capital of failed relationships? It's a great city but a city based on egos, self-absorption and short-termism. You are also in constant watch of not being intruded by another ego, you are always defensive and suspicious because opening up might and most probably will get yo hurt. But that dooms your chances of a healthy relationship too. Such is the price to pay for being in the world's most interesting, vibrant and exciting city.
Lately, I have been relationship road kill far too often. I have always assumed that it's because everyone wants to play cat and mouse, but very few people actually want to win.
The crazy girl approach, however, probably isn't relationship gold. You wouldn't really want to date a guy who would get off on that. He should leave his masochistic tendencies at the Vault, is all I'm sayin ...
Now that is puppy training camp I can get behind ;-)
i am going with the new way next time.
fuck the other "i'm here for you stuff"
get me a rolled up newspaper.
I always say 'if you wanna know how something ends, look at how it started' - and that's been the truth with pretty much all my relationships.
And me and my girls are always baffled by how some girls manage to completely whip their dudes and the dudes actually stay with it. I don't know how they can stand it.
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