As someone who was extremely well-behaved this weekend, sleeping Friday, attending a simple house party Saturday, avoiding Cipriani’s Sunday, I have little douchebaggery to report from this weekend. That is, until I recently engaged in a conversation with my Argentine friend about midgets (I really don’t have a midget fetish, even though they live in my brain with power tools when I’m hung over and I talk about them constantly). Naturally, the absurdity of oompa-lumpa-like creatures brought to mind an equally absurd phenomenon – Pink Elephant in the Hamptons.

“Speaking of midgets,” the Argentine said, “Did you know that at Pink in the Hamptons people get so shit-faced that there’s actually a colony of little dudes whose livelihood it is to get these people home.”

Me: “No way! How?”

“They’re these little guys on tricycles, except the bike has four wheels. Whatever that’s called. They throw their bike into your trunk and drive you home…”

Me: “And then they bike back to Pink to transport the next intoxicated loser?”

“Yep. No one wants a DIU.”

Me: “The midgets must be making a killing!”

“It’s like sixty dollars flat rate for a certain distance and then an additional charge per mile.”

How the Argentine knew such specifics made me think that he in fact once participated in this outrageous nightlife transportation scheme. But I decided to forgo him the humiliation and not ask. I’m not sure why, but the image of midgets (although I’m sure these workers are actually full-size human beings) on tricycles escorting slurring hedge fund owners home from a night of Ecstasy-ed out fun had me giggling hysterically for days. And since I have no going out stories of my own to share at the moment, I give you this.

On separate note, I send a message to my fellow bloggers. I realize we all write because of our deep rooted artistic integrity and we revel in freedom of the spoken word and condemn advertising (thanks to TiVo we actually don’t have to condemn it, we can just skip over it) and we loathe pop-ups blah, blah blah. But crossing over to the dark side for a moment I thought I’d FYI you guys in on a site an anonymous friend of mine keyed me into. payperpost actually caught my attention because it’s basically a service that just lists opportunities to bloggers of stuff to write about if they so desire and make cha-ching cash. You can also make $7.50 for just reviewing other peoples posts, something I feel most of us do anyway. And as an ex-script reader, critical writer, and avid opinionate, anytime I’m rewarded with something other than resentment for my opinion is a winning situation for me. So I’ve given it a try. My thoughts so far? Even if the listings I currently qualify to write about don’t include my favorite topics which I’d be willing to stealthily sponsor (those being booze, clubs, make-up, thongs, stilettos and clothes) I’ve found the site pretty interesting because it has some good literature, links, and explains a blog’s Google and Alexa ratings, a concept of which I was wholly ignorant of before. In an era where we all have two myspace, a facebook, a WAYN, a ConnectU and if you’re a real loser – a Small World account, who can resist not signing up for another potential networking tool that involves the good green stuff instead of bad spam emails?

So check it out if you so desire, and they work on a referral program, so be sure to enter through this pretty purple link:

I think anyone who reads my blog is fully aware of the fact that I’m essentially a misguided gold-digger (I blame my Barbie-doll mother) so I have no intention of sugarcoating my monkey making schemes for y’all. I leave for Europe tomorrow and am about to pay for everything in the Euro for the next month – feel for me! Besides, none of us write blogs for money … but a book deal would sure be nice, right?

Drunk diving isn’t a laughing matter, but in this video it is. This drunk cowboy is so coordinated that the police officer can’t write him up for a DUI. Absolutely watch to the end, it’s worth it! Any of us who've taken dance classes in the past fifteen years will also appreciate this...