Back in the early 21st century, nerds, techies and business people in an office somewhere developed texting as a way to add an additional feature to their cellular gadgets and make more money for their primary shareholders to bathe in. I doubt they had any idea they were creating a new art form (the texted cellular mini novella exists in China). And I’m sure they were oblivious to the fact that they’d launched a new arena for love, dating, flirting and endless amusement.
Theoretically, texting’s about productivity. It’s easier than placing a phone call. But anyone who texts with regularity, knows that texting is much more than a friendly phone alternative. The SMS has morphed into one of the most important ways we communicate with the people we’re closest to. The beginnings of many modern relationships blossom through texts. It’s how we manage to still feel close to far away friends. Make plans without having to pause our iPods or turn off the TV. Send a note that’s thoughtful and sweet without having to pick up a pen.
With the amount of texting we do and the variety of things texting’s used for, it’s easy to get lost (or pissed) when you feel your partner’s not adhering to proper textiquette. To clear up what proper textiquette entails, I’ve outlined the basic 12 rules below.
1. Lengthy, emotional or overly detailed texts are usually not appreciated by the receiver who can find them overwhelming (or annoying). Topics that require a lengthy discussion, tears, or flow charts are what actual conversations – or at least email – are for.
2. On the other hand, directions, hard to spell names of places, phone numbers, and anything else you could possibly mishear are a terrific use of the text. The receiver will love you for making their life easier by not having to pick up that archaic pen and Post It note.
3. Any question demands a response. Yet text messages like the affirmative, “Ok” are totally unnecessary. For example, if I write, “Call you in 15,” a response is not required unless there’s a problem. “Ok” is the worst text message ever. It’s a waste of my monthly 500 texts. It’s a waste of your time to type that, and if you’re going to type an unnecessary affirmative at least make it entertaining and worth the five cents to Cingular like, “You got it gorgeous” (or something equally cheesy) However, if you write your statement in the interrogative form, “Call you in 15?” you’re asking for it.
4. You have a 2 hour texting window before offensive for non-response can be claimed. You can then retaliate with either an angry text or not responding to them whenever they get around to responding to you. Your anger is legitimate because in the fourteen hours it took them to respond you’ve been getting paranoid about something being “wrong,” trapped in a glass cage of emotion.
5. Any kind of affection / inside jokes / funny commentary / well wishes should be acknowledged...otherwise, you’re an asshole.
6. Lateness. Fab use of the text. “I’m running 10 minutes late.” This is helpful, short, informative and considerate.
7. Many people, mainly men, don’t see texts as a source of uncensored fun and feelings. This group of texters don’t like doing anything that exceeds basic logistics via text. Therefore, texting your man things like “Are you IN love with me or do you just love me?” is probably a bad idea.
8. Unless it’s really important, always wait for a response before sending another text to the same person. If you’re sending the fifth text in a row, you should’ve just called and are coming off as a spastic creepshow.
9. Be careful about minimalist / one word texts, which can hurt the receiver’s feelings.
Example: “What time could you get here Saturday?”
Response: “Can’t.”
This is textually rude. A better approach:
“Can’t come down this weekend, I’m babysitting my friend’s ferret.”
Including a brief explanation can soften negating texts and assist in avoiding textual tension later on. Interestingly enough, the one word response that generally leads to upset/unrest on the receiving side is generally inspired by upset/unrest on the sender’s side. Unless, of course, sender is male, in which case onewording can be considered caveman-like and normal.
10. Sometimes we use our phones like a cellular IM upon which to conduct long textual conversations. How to politely extricate yourself from a ridiculously long game of texting ping pong in which you’ve composed a short novel between the two of you? Just dropping out after 20 minutes of back-and-forth is considered poor form, un-athletic and could leave your receiver wondering if they texted something you took offensive to. It’s best to end the game with a final text that includes a concrete reason why your textasizing needs to stop like, “Hahaha, k I got get focusing on my actual job here. Got a meeting with Bill Gates in 10.”
Drunk Texting
Since textual communication is the least creepy, most accessible, and least confrontational means of communication on your average Saturday night, it only follows that many of us may indulge in this self-destructive pastime. Tips:
11. A drunken text / booty text / 4 am overshare can be politely ignored. Chances are the person who late night texted you has no desire to be reminded of their embarrassing drunken antics and out-of-control hormones.
12. The drunken text is always better than the call. For the sender, if there is no response, you can attribute it to all sorts of reasons (sleep, lack of service, dancing, didn't hear the text alert of the cellular device since it didn't ring repeatedly like it would for a phone call). A text usually makes things less awkward for both parties. Although with a call, you can always claim the inside of your purse / pocket accidently phoned the other person. A text leaves a concrete trail of you contacting them that no amount of lying can remedy. There’s written documentation of your problem. The morning after your “sent” box is full of self-inflicted humiliation.
