When he asks for your number…

He’s tall, dark and handsome with shaggy hair and perfect teeth. You’re considering becoming a Digital Imaging major at NYU just so you can photograph his ass for your thesis. He’s successful, not to mention suave. You’ve met randomly and he just asked for your number. GIVE IT TO HIM.

Now let’s discuss what happens nine point nine times out of ten – someone asking for your digits sounds eerily similar to a death toll. You can hear the swish of the axe, it sounds like your cell phone ringing with his number on the screen.

Someone asking for your number at the end of a night also destroys the lovely drunken reality you’ve been living in for the past four hours. A “tomorrow” exists and they want to call you on it? Who is this person you’ve been dancing with all night? Is that a purple tie? Are those pleather pants?

Not to fear as I (credit must also be given to one of my ingenious best friends, we’ll refer to her as Bartok) have compiled a course of action list for when your night hits this unfriendly juncture.
Note: as a female I’m naturally writing from a girl’s perspective. Gentleman, please don’t take offense and feel free to use any of the below tricks on us women (God knows we deserve it).

1. Give him your ex-boyfriend’s number. Not only do you never have to see him again, but you get the added bonus of the ex-love of your life’s phone constantly ringing with guys asking for you. (It’s borderline genius, I know.)

2. If you want to benefit from the humor and it’s been an especially blurry evening, give him your number but a different name. Then tomorrow’s conversation can go something like this:

Caller: Hi, is Joanna there?
You: No, this is Rachel.
Caller: Oh, I thought this was Joanna’s number. You sound like Joanna. Remember? I’m Kevin. We met at [insert cheesy nyc location here] last night.
You: I can’t believe you didn’t even remember my name, ASSHOLE!

Hang up in fury. He’ll be too humiliated to call back.

3. Give the number of your favorite sushi delivery place (you know it by heart, and once he hears the Japanese voices he won’t bother calling again – plus you don’t have to feel guilty since you’ve just lead him on to the best eel avocado rolls in the city!)

4. Give a completely fictional number (a less humorous option).

5. Give a completely fictional number and then visit the new website Bartok and I have intentions of creating:
www.mistakeslastnight.com
Instead of feeling guilty for ditching your dancing partner in the oblivion that is new york clubland, you can now anonymously thank him for a lovely evening through a professional service.

For example, say you enjoyed a night out with a charming Frenchman with startling blue eyes who attended to your every need – who you then promptly ditched at 3:30am in order to go home and pass out with your cat (having your taxi stop at Grey’s Papaya so you could devour two hotdogs on the way). The next morning you could arrange for mistakeslastnight.com to deliver a bouquet of thank you lilies to his hotel room with a gift basket including directions and a twenty for him to use at Penthouse Executive strip club on the west side. Included would be a note such as:

Modelbehavior regrets to inform you that she’s actually not single, but was rather capitalizing on your ability to dance and buy drinks. She does hope you’ll score some action at the Penthouse tonight, her treat. Enjoy your stay in Manhattan, salutami Paris.

Now isn’t that civilized?

When we have such a website up and running, we’ll be sure to let you know.